11 things you need to know before going to Iceland

James and I went to Iceland for my 30th birthday, and wow. What a place. Nowhere will ever top the Amazon Rainforest as my favourite place I’ve ever been, but after spending a week there, Iceland has firmly taken the no.2 spot! I couldn’t let that wonderful holiday pass without writing a blog post on it, so I thought I would share the learnings and recommendations we have, in the hopes that if you’re visiting, we’ll be able to help you make the most out of this wonderful country!

Part 1 – Preparing for your trip to Iceland

Go for AirBnbs.

Obviously this is up to you and how you travel, but when I hear how much people who stay in hotels have paid, not only for accommodation, but for eating out, I shudder. I genuinely couldn’t have afforded to go to Iceland if I’d done that! Eating out in Iceland is infamously expensive. Instead of that, we stayed in two lovely AirBnbs, and bought all our own food – we made cheese sandwiches for lunches, and warming soup/pasta sauces in the evenings. On days where we would be out late, we simply made dinner the night before and kept it in the fridge. This saved us so much money, as the supermarket wasn’t that much more expensive than in the UK (I’d say it’s comparable to buying fancy stuff in Waitrose) and the choice is… incredible. They have everything we do, plus their own Icelandic brands, and loads of European and North American stuff that you can’t get here!

Get the bells and whistles car insurance.

You’ll probably balk when you see the price (our insurance alone was about £400 in total) but I would strongly suggest going all-out on your insurance. For Avis, it was called a Super Collision Damage Waiver, but it will vary depending on the company you go for. Anyway, why am I suggesting you splash so much of your holiday budget on car insurance? Because when we were driving along the road to visit the magical Reynisfjara black sand beach, a lorry came steaming past us on the other side of the road, kicked up a gigantic stone, and took a huge chunk out of our windscreen, which then cracked to about 50cm. We were going below the speed limit, on a regularly used road, and driving a HUGE car. So if it happened to us in those conditions… imagine how common it is. It was covered by our insurance with no problems, but guess how much it would have cost if we hadn’t gotten that full coverage insurance? £4,000. Yup. If you want to try and limit potential cost without the best coverage insurance, you can get a small car instead (ours was an absolute beast which made the windscreen very pricey) but do be aware that smaller cars can be more challenging to drive in stormy weather.

Don’t skimp on your winter clothes.

If you’re travelling during the wintertime (which is November to February) then don’t mess around, bring the right gear. People say Iceland isn’t that much colder than Western Europe, but I don’t buy it. When we were there in November it was incredibly cold, icy and windy! However, it is also the most beautiful country you will ever visit – you WANT to be out in that weather! So be prepared. Bring cleats, snowshoes, a WARM hat (my normal bobble hat was utterly useless), and thermal layers (I recommenced OEX and Tog24 brand base layers, but Icewear, an Icelandic brand you’ll find everywhere in the country, sell a brilliant line too. In fact you could get everything I mention here from them to be honest). I also strongly suggest you get a good pair of mountaineering gloves, and a thinner wool pair to go under them. My gloves have smartphone touch fingers, which was lifechanging when we went to Goðafoss waterfall – we don’t know how cold it was exactly but I have truly never felt a temperature like it, and I know I’ve been in -20 before. Winter gear might seem OTT when you’re packing it, but trust me, not being prepared for the weather will genuinely ruin your trip.

Budget for guided trips, especially in winter.

If you’re used to going it alone like I am, this is something you might initially cringe at. But I didn’t realise how extreme the landscape is – there are areas like the glaciers that you literally cannot access without a giant 4×4 monster truck. It’s different in the summer, but with all that ice, hail, snow and stormy weather, you simply cannot be safe out there on your own. Plus, the guides are LOVELY and really enrich your experience of the incredible country. I recommend Arctic Adventures and Icelandic Mountain Guides.

Be prepared for it, but don’t focus too much on seeing the Aurora.

If you aren’t going to see it, you just aren’t going to see it. No amount of staying up all night looking at gaps in the cloud is going to change how much solar activity there is! Download the app ‘Aurora’ and check it before the sun goes down to see if you have a chance. Iceland is not the best part of the world to see the lights, and although they can be spectacular up there, this country has so much to offer so you’re better off saving your energy for the daytime!

Part 2 – Recommendations for when you’re there

Sampling the local food.

Now, to be honest, we did not try that much food. I have so many food hangups, that it makes it really difficult for me and is something I have to overcome every time I travel. But here are the things we really loved:

  • Dairy products – I don’t know what they do to their cows up in Iceland but their dairy products were on another level. The milk, butter, cheese and Skyr yoghurt were all noticeably more delicious than any dairy product I’ve consumed before or since. Also, Skyr is a must have – we ate it almost every day for breakfast and it would genuinely keep us going until lunch! The raspberry flavour was my favourite.
  • Sandholt Bakery – This is genuinely the best bakery either of us have ever been to. I cannot recommend it highly enough, the pastries and bread were UNBELIEVABLE. I was messaging friends back home and they were like “You’re in Iceland, is this really the thing you need to be telling us about?” but seriously, they do this brown sugar iced bun that I’m still dreaming about. We even got up extra early on the day of our flight so we could come back down from the north to stop in before going to the airport. Our theory is that it’s the Icelandic butter that makes their pastries so good. Their sourdough loaf was also incredible – we ate it with local cheese and butter for lunches. Divine.
  • Bakaríið við brúna – This is the bakery we went to when we were up north in Akureyri and it was also excellent. Get the farmer’s loaf if you’re buying bread.
  • Fresh produce – Because of the geothermal activity, heating and energy is extremely cheap in Iceland, so they are able to grow just about anything there, using artificially heated polytunnels. This means that the fruit and veg is really amazing quality – we were blown away by the freshness and taste of just about everything we bought.
  • Reykjavik Chips – This is a funny little place, which sells fresh, made to order chips – sweet potato or normal, and a variety of dips like vegan mayo, sweet chilli, barbecue etc. The chips were absolutely delicious and well worth a stop for a snack when you have a museum/shopping day in the city!

Shopping

This is the only holiday I’ve ever been on where I was genuinely excited to go shopping. Plus, shoppers in the UK are eligible for tax refunds! Make sure you ask for the tax receipts! Iceland has an incredible community of makers and creators, and in recent years there has been a huge resurgence of traditional woollen goods – James and I both invested in a handknitted, 100% Icelandic wool jumper, and I mean it when I say, these things are built to last.

They are so warm, comfy and well-made, it’s insane. You can expect to be tempted by woollen blankets, Icelandic-made homewares and clothing, and of course, lots of touristy stuff, mostly featuring vikings or puffins. Most of the good shops are on a street called Laugaveger, which makes things easy, but be aware there’s another street called Skólavörðustígur which branches off from it and has some great stuff too. I particularly recommend the shops Farmers and Friends (aka Farmers Market) and Icewear, but there are so many places selling cool stuff! Just outside the city, in a shopping centre called Smaralind, there a European chain shop I’m now 100% obsessed with: Søstrene Grene, which is like a crafty, sustainable version of Tiger. The Smaralind shopping centre is a brilliant place to stop at to do your shopping when you arrive too – it’s halfway between Keflavik (where you’ll land) and Reykjavik. There’s a Hagkaup supermarket, a pharmacy, all manner of outdoor clothing, fashion and homewares, and plenty of junky food outlets and coffee places.

Hot springs/nature baths

We visited two of Iceland’s world famous geothermal baths, and no, neither of them were the Blue Lagoon. I’d seen instagram stories of it that made it look really busy and touristy, which I just didn’t fancy. I’m sure it’s great, but I wanted to relax and savour the experience. So we went to Secret Lagoon, which was the most relaxing experience of my entire life, especially when it started gently raining into the perfectly warm water. And for the ‘blue water’ experience, we went to the far north Myvatn Nature Baths – located in the middle of a lava field, we were surrounded by snowy plains, which wafted into view whenever the steam lifted. It was utter magic. The serenity of being cosy and warm in a bright blue, hot pool, in the middle of a desolate snow-covered lava field, is just… incomparable. They also have a geothermal sauna there, with a window to look out onto the landscape. There was another one we wanted to visit called Geosea, which uses geothermal seawater – but that will have to wait until next time!

Beauty/cosmetics – Now I definitely didn’t set out intending to buy any skincare products while in Iceland, but as it turns out they have two amazing brands that you will definitely want to sample. The first we discovered because the cold air was leaving my skin feeling a bit tight. Although the water is amazing for your skin, the weather isn’t, and I needed a slightly richer moisturiser. I bought one by a brand called Sóley – their Dögg Moisturiser, and it’s incredible! I’ve been using it twice daily ever since. Then when we went to the Myvatn Nature Baths they had Soley hair and body products in the showers, which we both LOVED. We bought a big bottle of the Varmi shampoo and body wash when we were at the airport. They do free shipping on orders over £100… and the terrible thing is… I know I’m gonna do it. Anyway. The second brand is called Angan, and is a higher-end, luxurious brand. I bought their Volcanic Glow Body Oil, which smells delightfully herbal, feels gorgeous, and has lovely golden shimmer in it. We also bought a gift set of their bath salts, which all use sustainably harvested, natural Icelandic plants. And they smell… unbelievable. Again we got this at the airport to save a bit of cash.

Southern Iceland – this is where we spent most of the first half of our trip (apart from a day shopping in Reyjyavik) and I’ve just written out a list of what we did, because it was all brilliant!

  • Hiking on Skaftafell glacier. We went with Icelandic Mountain Guides for this tour, and loved every moment. After a drive to the glacier, we were taken up into an ice cave, which was amazing, and then up for a short walk over a literal, real glacier. The guide gave loads of fascinating info about the glacier, and it was absolutely beautiful. We also met a friendly crow!
  • Snowmobiling over Langjökul glacier. We kicked off my 30th birthday bouncing over mountainous terrain in a 4×4 van, then got on a snowmobile and sped across a glacier, looking out at the awe-inspiring Icelandic landscape. I mean… can you name a better way to kick off your 30’s? It was perfect for me. We were then given a tour of a really cool ice cave, before getting back on the snowmobile. Oh god it was just so much fun! I cannot recommend it highly enough. Again, the guides were fantastic, such lovely people – this time we went with Arctic Adventures.
  • Visiting the Eyjafjallajökull visitor centre. There is a Geologist-in-residence here who will show you a film about the 2010 eruption film and talk you through it, so you can understand more about the science, as well as the myths and legends around Iceland’s volcanoes, and also discover how volcanically active the island is! It was really interesting, and I highly recommend it. My Geologist husband was beside himself with glee (and so was the Geologist who worked there when he found out he could have a proper conversation with James, haha).
  • Walking on Reynisfjara beach. Surreal, beautiful, ethereal, but get there early before the tour buses show up, because otherwise you’ll be constantly distracted by people not paying attention to the deadly waves.
  • Exploring the Eldhraun moss covered lava field. This was one one of those moments where you really feel you could be on an alien planet.
  • Soaking in the Secret Lagoon. As I’ve mentioned, heaven on earth.
  • Finally, we paid a visit to Gulfoss and Skogafoss. These are two of Iceland’s most popular waterfalls, and really don’t disappoint. I do love a good waterfall, and these are just stunning. And hey, I’ve been to Niagara Falls so I know a good waterfall when I see one 😉 We also spent a little time just driving and wandering around some little towns and things – it’s nice to meander a little I think.

Northern Iceland – this is where we spent the second part of our trip, and WOW. Nothing compares to this incredible landscape. We stayed in Akureyri, and didn’t actually do that many things because we were only there for a couple of days, but we really want to return as we were blown away by how stunning it was. Here’s what we did:

  • Visting the serene, icy Goðafoss. While we were there, this beautiful waterfall was half frozen over and absolutely magical. It was so cold that my fingers went numb despite being in my thermal-lined mountaineering gloves, and my phone turned itself off, so be prepared! But it was so worth it, you won’t see anything like that anywhere else. It’s one of my favourite memories.
  • Soaking in Myvatn Nature Baths. The memory of floating in that blue water, in the BITING cold, is one of my favourite memories, not just of this holiday, but of my entire life.
  • Walking (and gagging) around Námaskarð geothermal area. Just to prepare you, this STANK. The sulphur smell coming out of the hot taps in Iceland is completely bearable, and you get used to it right away, but this smell? It had LAYERS. I was totally unprepared, it even made me lightheaded! I’ve been to Yellowstone National Park which has similar geothermal vents and the smell was NOTHING in comparison. But still, it’s always cool to see the ground steaming and mud bubbling away.

And that’s it! Obviously this isn’t supposd to be a ‘guide to Iceland’ or anything like that, it’s just our recommendations and suggestions, based on one, incredible holiday. I really was not prepared to love Iceland as much as I did, it truly was the most wonderful place to spend my birthday, and we both loved every moment of it.

How to make staying in a hotel for work easier and enjoyable

I’ve travelled for work a LOT in my life. For PR events, marketing activities, training, head office visits with companies based abroad or in different parts of the country, and even for companies that liked to hold their annual meetings abroad as a ‘work perk’. I’ve stayed in luxury hotels, I’ve stayed in Travelodges, I’ve shared hotel rooms with colleagues, and I’ve been unexpectedly upgraded to suites. After all this time I’ve pretty much perfected the art of the stress-free work hotel stay, so read on and hopefully you’ll find some useful suggestions!

Pack weather-versatile outfits – When travelling within the UK and Ireland at least, no matter what time of year it is, never ever leave for a work trip without a pair of shoes you can wear in the rain, and clothes that can be layered and removed as needed. Bring tights and a cardigan, and clothes that can be worn with or without them. It’s a horrible feeling to underestimate the weather and be cold/damp for your whole trip!

The do not disturb sign – Not just for people having a lie in after a heavy night. If you put this on your door in the morning, the hotel staff won’t come into your room to make the bed or replenish the toiletries. When you’re on holiday there’s something nice about coming back to a straightened up room, but personally when I’m travelling for work, I’m not at my most relaxed or easygoing, so I really don’t want someone in my room moving all my stuff. I have utmost respect for hotel staff because damn that’s a hard job, but it’s just that when I travel for work I really want my hotel room to be my own space. Sometimes when you use the DND sign, they even leave you an extra towel, toilet roll and shortbread packets outside your room for you to pick up on your way back in.

Bring your favourite tea with you – Come on now, does anyone really enjoy that vile Twinings Breakfast Blend? The best hotel room I’ve ever stayed in had a little bottle of complimentary fresh milk in the mini fridge, big chunky mugs instead of measly cups, and bags of Yorkshire Tea. It was heaven to come back to that in the evening, and so now I always bring my Clipper teabags (I’ve switched because they’re plastic free and taste just as good as Yorkshire Tea) with me so I can have a comforting cuppa when I get in, just like I would at home. Of course this only works if you’re travelling within the UK where we have kettles in hotel rooms, but then, who drinks tea when they’re abroad anyway?

Spend the evening doing your ‘self maintenance’ – I strongly do not recommend working in your hotel room, but even if you don’t work, it can be tricky to fully switch off when you’re in work trip mode. I often can’t concentrate on a book, or even crap TV. So instead, make a list of all the ‘body chores’ you’ve been meaning to get around to doing – your self tan, cutting/painting your nails, dying or deep conditioning your hair, shaving your legs, face masks… and spend your evening doing it all!

Laundry bag routine – If you’ve ever bought anything from Aesop, or received fancy pyjamas as a gift, you probably already own one of these nice drawstring cotton bags. They are perfect for keeping on top of your laundry, because you can hang it off the side of the desk chair, or on a wardrobe door handle, and every time you take off your socks and underwear for the day, you just conveniently stuff them in the bag. It means you never have to worry that there’s a forgotten pair of knickers under the bed when you leave, and you won’t be picking up stray socks from the floor when you’re supposed to be checking out to catch your train home. Also, it eliminates the need for a plastic shopping bag, which is what I used to use before, and, well, would never dream of using now!

Be wise about your skincare products – The key with skincare is to make it as fuss-free as possible, because you never know what kind of bathroom facilities you’re going to be confronted with. When I travel, I always bring a travel size of Caudalie’s Cleansing Oil instead because it dissolves makeup on its own and then rinses off. It’s the most convenient makeup remover ever! I also bring my bar of facial soap for a second cleanse/morning cleanse. Then I bring a small slice of soap to wash my body with too, because unless its a nice hotel, I know I’ll hate the shower gel they have (recently I’ve been trying to move away from plastic wherever I can, hence the bars of soap!). Some people recommend bringing skincare sample sachets along on a trip, but I wouldn’t recommend trying new skincare while you’re travelling for work – you never know if something will trigger a reaction, or make you so greasy that your foundation slips off your face by noon. I usually just bring my full size serum and cream because I don’t want to take them out of their normal packaging (for example, you don’t want to dip your fingers into a product that is designed to be squeezed out of a tube because the preservatives won’t work).

Fluffy slipper socks – It’s very difficult to fully relax when you’re on a work trip, but a pair of comforting fluffy socks certainly helps me.

Always be lovely to the staff – There’s no excuse for being rude to hotel staff, and it’s something I’ve seen a LOT of from people on business trips. No matter how tired, stressed or irritable you are, there’s no need to make someone feel like crap just because you do. And you never know when you might need them. If the TV broke in your room, I certainly wouldn’t rush to help you if you’d been a dick to me two hours earlier.

And lastly, a few things to never ever forget:

  • Ear plugs. As my dear favourite fictional character, Dale Cooper once said: “Once a traveler leaves his home, he loses almost 100% of his ability to control his environment.” (if you aren’t familiar with Twin Peaks, this is said while he is being kept awake by a huge group of other business people who are combatting jetlag by getting drink and singing all night. Now I’ve never experienced that, but I would have been grateful for earplugs while staying in a room next door to a very amorous couple… and now I’ll never forget them (the earplugs that is, I’m trying desperately to forget the couple).
  • Pyjamas. I’m just putting this here because I DID once forget pyjamas and it just so happened to be in the one hotel I’ve ever stayed in that didn’t have over the top central heating. I had to tear around a Primark between meetings and ended up buying the crappest pjs ever because they were ‘between deliveries’. Never again.
  • Pillow spray. Not only will this help you to calm down if you’re nervous about something big going on during your trip, it also means you don’t have to worry about any weird smelling hotel rooms!
  • A long charging cable. Even modern hotel rooms with plug points by the bed are sometimes too far away to charge your phone and FaceTime your SO (or play a game) at the same time, so make sure your cable can handle it!
  • Your takeaway coffee cup. Be environmentally responsible and don’t use travelling as an excuse to fall back on disposable cups. Plus, having your cup with you means you can fill it with filter coffee at the hotel breakfast to start your day with WAY more coffee than you’d be able to drink in one sitting!

A Feminist Engagement

A quick note: In this blog post I will talk about how my partner and I got engaged. This is in no way intended to criticise any one else’s proposal – ESPECIALLY LGBTQ+ couples who have had to fight for their right to just to have access to the traditional, patriarchal symbolism of marriage and engagement. The story is in essence heteronormative because we are a middle class cis man and woman, but the actual message is intended to be highly inclusive. I am not going to compromise when sharing my opinions on engagement traditions, because if I can’t share them here, where can I? But I don’t mean for you to feel hurt or judged if these formed part of your (or your dream) proposal. I believe that we have a responsibility as feminists to challenge the way things are done. It’s not a personal attack on you or your relationship, I know that there are many factors to take into account when considering how to get engaged and married, and I respect your right to choose your own path. Just as I don’t know your backstory, you do not know ours. 

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A year and a half ago, walking down Tottenham Court Road at the weekend, my partner James and I were talking about the future. We’d spoken about it many, many times before, about love, marriage, relationships, children. But this time, the conversation bent a little and we drew ourselves into a discussion about when. We stopped outside Boots, with half of London pushing past us unnoticed, and hesitantly, emotionally landed on 2017 as the year we wanted to get married. A consensual agreement, whatever form it takes, is essential to any feminist engagement. Springing a marriage proposal on someone out of nowhere has been widely misrepresented as romantic because of the misogynistic, heteronormative assumption that women are always ready to get married. These surprise proposals can range anywhere from a bit misguided to emotionally manipulative, and there’s just no need for it.

Over the next few months we frequently discussed the idea of a ‘proposal’, and whether or not we wanted it to be a part of our love story. James asked me about rings, saying he didn’t want to get me a diamond because not only are they horrifically unethical, their value came purely from a marketing campaign by De Beers in the early 20th Century (and also, as a geologist he has serious opinions about rocks). But I was adamant that I didn’t want a ring, and his response was relief. We both think that ethically sourced wedding rings are a beautiful way to symbolise your dedication to your partner. But engagement rings are yet another example of imbalanced, gendered expectations between women and men. ‘Marking’ a woman as yours when you have no such mark yourself. ‘Buying’ her. I’m not saying I think they’re inherently bad, especially since it’s becoming more mainstream for non-heteronormative couples to have them too, but for us it just seemed like pointless consumerism. There was absolutely no way that one of us was wearing an engagement ring while the other wasn’t, but we also didn’t see the appeal in both of us wearing one.

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However, the idea of proposing just seemed so lovely. A declaration of love, a statement of intent and a memory that we could share. Plus, neither of us had cried over the sheer weight of our feelings for each other since we first said ‘I love you’, and it’s nice to do that occasionally. We were immediately in mutual agreement that I would be the one to do it. Much of this was from a desire to challenge the status quo of course – engagements have a very sexist history, there’s no denying it. But also, I am bisexual, so until I met James I never knew who I’d end up with. I never really imagined being proposed to, but often thought about myself doing it, because that’s just who I am – it’s the kind of gesture I live for.

If you’re wondering how James, ‘as a man’ felt about the subject – he simply didn’t. As a feminist the idea of anything being a ‘threat to his masculinity’ is laughable to him. I’m not sure what else to say on the subject, other than by him being strong enough to free himself from oppressive, fragile ideas about how to ‘be a man’, he was able to experience the joy and excitement that comes with the person he loves making a grandly romantic gesture of love towards him.

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So with that decided, the task fell to me to decide how and when I was going to do it.  I had a vague idea in mind but it didn’t fully form until we decided to go on holiday to Paris. James’ birthday fell in the week we planned to go away and I thought to myself that it would be the perfect opportunity to ask him. But Paris didn’t seem like a particularly personal choice, so I suggested we spend a few days there and then travel south to explore the Calanques National Park on his birthday (a beautiful national pack on the coast near Marseille that consists of incredible rocky cliffs leading into little beaches, the perfect holiday spot for a geologist). He enthusiastically agreed to this, because one of our favourite things to do as a couple is hike. I think it must have been pretty obvious what I was planning at this point, and he tells me he was pretty sure after I suggested a ‘birthday hike through a beautiful outcrop of rocky cliffs’, haha.

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Location decided, my plan for how to actually go about it came to me almost immediately. We briefly discussed the idea of gifts like watches and bracelets instead of a ring, but we were both totally disinterested and a bit uncomfortable with the whole ‘here is a gift, will you marry me’ thing. We definitely felt like there was something missing from the whole thing, and I realised that it was the idea that our love should benefit only us. I decided to spend the money I would have spent on a ring on charity donations. I worked out that if I were to save up to buy a ring in my current financial situation, I could afford to spend £500 on it (another thing that we really need to stop doing? Selling the idea that a proposal has to be extravagant. Not everyone has disposable income and people shouldn’t feel the need to empty their bank account for love) so I set that as my donation budget, and that’s when the full idea came to me:

I chose five charities that reminded me of something I love about James. They were things that are external to our relationship, aspects of his personality that I deeply admire but have nothing to do with me. I donated £100 to each charity, and asked them if they would be able to send me a ‘thank you’ letter (all but one said they do this anyway so I wasn’t putting them out, the other emailed it to me so I printed it and put it in an envelope). On the back of each of the envelopes, I wrote the reason why I’d donated to that particular charity.

5 reasons2.jpgThe charities chose were WaterAid, Women’s Aid, Woman Kind, Amnesty International and Mind.

After spending a magical few days in Paris, we travelled down on the TGV to Marseilles, and the next day was his birthday. I packed us a picnic in our backpack, hid the five letters in different places in there and put a note on the top saying ‘five reasons’. I wouldn’t let him go in the backpack until we had hiked to our picnic spot – one of the hundreds of secluded beaches dotted along the Calanques coastline.

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After we had settled on the beautiful stony beach, I told James he could finally look in the backpack. He drew each letter out and read the notes on the backs (I told him not to open them until he found them all) and was completely confused, but touched by whatever I was doing. After he had found them all and had opened a couple, I took his hands and said that these charities all worked on areas that are related to things I admire about who he is as a person, and then started telling him all of the things I love about the way he is with me. The way I love how safe he makes me feel, how patient he is with me, how he makes me laugh so much and how he is so open, so kind, so affectionate. Obviously we were both crying at this point, and through my tears I managed to say ‘I want to marry you’, to which he responded ‘Of course’ and kissed me. Then we both realised I hadn’t actually said what I meant to say, so I pulled away and said ‘Will you marry me’ to which he again responded ‘Of course’, and we kissed. So yeah, I messed that part up lmao.

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We cried a bit more as he read all the letters. We had our lunch (brie and tomatoes on still-warm bread from the patisserie next to our AirBnB), and splashed in the freezing water for a bit. It was absolutely perfect, and I was so happy and proud that I was able to make my partner feel so loved and wanted.

Everything about our proposal was intensely unique to both of us, but at the same time it also helped other people. Me being the one to do it ended up being the least important part. Our proposal’s unique, personal nature, combined with a concerted effort to help make other people’s lives better is what made it feminist. And we will always be proud of that. I hope that weddings and engagements don’t go away, because they are a wonderful way to express dedication and love. But they are steeped in years of oppression, negativity, consumerism and selfishness. I’m absolutely not saying people should do what we did and I’m definitely not saying that I created the perfect proposal. Rather, I just want to share this and use it to communicate the idea that we all need to work hard emotionally, creatively and intelligently to make these gestures as beautiful and inclusive as they have the potential to be.